ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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