Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So. Much. Porn.
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