Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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