I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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