Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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