dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
