I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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