So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
