yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
