hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
