Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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