And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
