I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
