This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
