dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
