Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
