NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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