i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Someone came in the potted fern
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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