This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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