Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
