dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
