their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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