Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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