So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
