He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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