I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
