Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
