You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
