I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
