What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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