so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
