im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
