i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
