you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
