So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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