you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
