Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
