I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
