matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
