when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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