I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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