That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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