insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
