No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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