I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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