Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
