Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
