Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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