My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
