I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
