based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
