then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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