I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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