And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
